Sorting things out....

I was looking forward to two weeks in Lanzarote because, since October, various members of the family have completely occupied my thoughts and my time. Mostly with worries and troubles. The exception being the birth of my second grandchild which, though joyful in the end, was anything but relaxing. I felt emotionally drained and, in the case of my son, also completely helpless in the face of his problems but carried them through sleepless nights none the less. I was exhausted. I thought it would be great to "get-away-from-it-all" have a couple of weeks in the sun with nothing to do but swim, walk and read. The odd glass or three of vino was very inviting too since, being the only driver at home, I can rarely indulge.

And do you know what I found? The damn troubles came with me! I might have physically removed myself 2,000 odd miles down the road but I forgot to leave my damn head behind! Silly me! There I was crying myself to sleep as usual. Putting distance between myself and my family made no difference at all. Until I realised what was happening and gave myself a good talking to. In the end I decided that there was no use worrying about things I could do nothing about. I reminded myself of the saying, "Worry is like a rocking chair - you go back and forth, back and forth, but you don't get anywhere!" and a modern prayer: "Lord, give me the strength to change the things I can, the courage to ignore the things I can't, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Then I started to feel better and I've come home relaxed and positive and ready for the next onslaught. I'm going to try really hard NOT to get involved in my son's custody battles. I'll be there for him of course but I'll make every effort to detach my emotions and concentrate on the wonderful relationship I have with my 4 year old granddaughter. She is, after all, the most important person in all this and deserves my full attention and commitment whenever I have a chance to be with her. The ins and outs of organising that are down to her Dad and his ex and they are big enough and ugly enough to sort themselves out.

"Brave words" I hear you say! Well, we'll see. But I've come to the conclusion that some self preservation is in order in this situation so I'm going to do my best to protect myself.

Having said that I can still get VERY cross about the fact that grandparents on the male side of family break ups really do get dropped in the shit. The parents of the new partner have more access than we do! How the fuck is that fair!!??

c-a-l-m and c-e-n-t-r-e-d; c-a-l-m and c-e-n-t-r-e-d; c-a-l-m and c-e-n-t-r-e-d......

Looking on the bright side, Aged P has started the ball rolling to move closer to us (just round the corner in sheltered housing). That will make life much easier and save an awful lot of travelling. My Mum (aged P)is absolutely amazing. She's coping with her recently acquired disabilities with great strength and a positive attitude. She's determined to keep on improving her mobility and refuses to give up hope of getting back to a more active life. I do hope I've inherited some of those self preserving qualities.

Still brighter is our new little star. She's nearly 7 weeks old now and the dimples are coming into their own. She smiles at everybody now (but mostly at me of course!) Beautiful!!